Happy Birthday, Vovo
by An Escaped Rabbit
Summary: On June 11, 1776, the Continental Congress established a committee to draft a declaration of independence. On June 11 several centuries later, vovo611 was born. It was not June 11, however, when the Hogwarts students decided to revolt.


**June 11, 1776** **\- Continental Congress creates committee (Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, Benjamin Franklin, Roger Sherman, and Robert R. Livingston) to draft a Declaration of Independence.**

 **June 11, _-The inestimable vovo611 (not her real name) was born. Happy birthday, vovo! I hope you appreciate the fact that I didn't write a Sherlock fanfiction for you.**

 **You might need to know about the American Revolutionary War for this, but you can probably understand it without that knowledge. You just won't get some of the jokes. Sorry.**

 **I'm aware that I haven't written Luna quite right. Sorry about that too.**

"Alright, then," Luna said dreamily, "But what should we do about the Pink Toad?"

Harry, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, and assorted unimportant characters looked at each other. While Luna did tend to sometimes blurt out seemingly random statements, they weren't usually this random. What did that mean and what did it have to do with the current topic of discussion, Christmas gifts?

"Er, what?" Harry asked her eloquently.

"It's quite simple, Harry," Luna assured him. "Have you noticed that Defence teachers never seem to last?"

"Yeah, of course I have. What's your point?"

"And have you noticed that they seem to always be terrible? Personally, I suspect the involvement of the Purple Crackerjack Creature, but it may just be the Malakh Hara Meod."

Hermione joined the conversation at this point, although she carefully ignored the second part of what Luna had just said. "Well, not all of them. Professor Lupin was quite good, as was Moody."

("Crouch," Ron said.

"Come on, you know what she means," was Harry's contribution.)

Luna shook her head sadly. "Year one, lying, fame-snatching celebrity. Ended up falling victim to his own spell and now resides permanently in St. Mungo's. Year two, werewolf who, while he was quite nice, could have killed someone and had no business being in a castle full of hormonal teenagers."

"That's not entirely fair," Hermione protested.

"True, though. Now shush," Luna continued. "He was outed and therefore unable to return. Year three, escaped convict working for Voldemort."

"And my first year, Voldemort himself," Harry added. "What's the point of this?"

"You shush too," Luna said, enjoying herself. "Escaped convict was also outed and presumably he went to prison or four, The Vile Mistress of All Evil, She Who Strikes Fear Into the Hearts of All Sane Men, She Who Inspires Terror But Mostly Revulsion, The Dreaded-"

"I think you can stop now. What _was_ your point?"

"Each year we've had a terrible, dangerous defence teacher, and each year something has happened to them rendering them unable to come back."

"So presumably next year, we won't have the toad?" Ron asked hopefully.

"That's right. It's only February, though, and I personally don't want to have her for the rest of the year. And considering the pattern, don't you think someone equally horrible will replace her?"

"Like Snape," Harry murmured. "Imagine having him as a Defence professor."

There were shudders all 'round the room. Several people decided to stop eavesdropping.

"He'd be better than Umbridge!" Hermione declared firmly. Ron looked torn.

"You're quite right," Luna said. "Umbridge is evil! Honestly, the way she talks about non-human sentient creatures. I personally hold it to be a self evident truth that all beings have been created equal and have been endowed with certain unalienable rights, among which are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness!"

"That's it!" Hermione cried. "Luna, you're a genius!"

"She is?"

"She is?"

"I am?"

"We, my friends, are going to declare our independence!"

* * *

 _When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of-_

"Nah," Hermione said. "We can't just plagiarize the entire thing."

She thought for a moment. "Oh, well, if I just paraphrase a bit it's not plagiarizing, right?"

* * *

 _When in the course of wizard affairs, it becomes necessary for one defense association to dissolve the ties…_

 _...We hold these truths to be self evident that all magical beings are…_

 _...whenever any form of bureaucracy becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the people..._

 _...a history of injuries and usurpations…_

 _...we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes, and our magicks._

Ron yawned. That had probably been the most boring thing he'd ever read, and he hadn't understood half of it. "What did you want me to do now?" he asked blearily.

"Sign it, Ron!" came Hermione's exasperated voice.

Ron did so.

"What a nice, large John Hancock," Hermione said witheringly.

Ron wondered if that was a compliment. Probably not, he decided. He just wondered what a John Hancock was.

* * *

Over the next few months, a Revolution occurred. Yes, with a capital R! That shows how revolutionary it was. And indeed it was very revolutionary! Enough to merit a capital R!

Anyway…

The colonists students had great fun pouring pumpkin juice into the lake during their infamous Boston Pumpkin Juice Party. One student even wanted to form a political party called The Pumpkin Juice Party, but this was promptly vetoed on account of being too American.

(The giant squid was not amused.)

The first spells of the war (known as "the spells seen 'round the castle") were fired at the glorious Battle of Lexingcord.

(Hermione really wanted to know who was naming these things. Someone had dug up an American history book, she suspected. She was not amused.)

One of the DA members decided, for some reason, to owl the Beauxbatons students asking for an alliance.

(The Beauxbatons students were very amused and quickly allied themselves with the DA.)

It came as a great surprise to all when Arnold Benedict, a seemingly loyal Hufflepuff whom J.K. Rowling forgot to mention, turned traitor at East Point.

There were some more battles fought and either won or lost. Eventually, though, the DA triumphed and on the newly declared Evacuation Day the last adult wizards left New Yo Hogwarts.

There was much celebration.

With fireworks.

 _(Supplied-exclusively-by-Weasleys'-Wizarding-Wheezes-ten percent-discount-to-anyone-who-mentions-the-code-word-kazoo-terms-and-conditions-may-apply-please-floo-WWW-Inc-for-further-information-thank-you.)_

* * *

"What do we call ourselves?"

"What? What do you mean?"

"Well, all great civilizations, armies, or what-have-you have _names._ Like Britain. Or, um, the Death Eaters."

"..."

"..."

"What? What's wrong?"

"..."

"..."

"Ahem. Name!"

"Okay... How about The Hogwarts Students?"

"No."

"No."

"Well, do you have a better idea?"

"The United Students of America!"

"This is Scotland, you know."

"I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me."

"I do like that, though. How about The United Students of Scotland?"

"It does have a nice ring."

"USS for short?"

"Or just US."

"Well, I guess it's settled, then."

* * *

"We need a flag!" Luna declared.

"Okay," Harry said calmly. "Go right ahead."

Luna looked at him. She had expected him to say something more substantial.

"Wait, what?" Harry asked, looking up from whatever it was that he was doing.

"A flag," Luna told him, unperturbed.

"Why?"

Luna stared. "Why" was a word she had never considered important. "I need a... a _reason_?" she asked blankly.

Harry considered. "I guess not," he decided. "We are teenagers, after all."

"Okay, then," Luna beamed. "I wonder who can sew…"

* * *

 _Hear ye, hear ye!_

 _Aunt Luna wants YOU to sew a flag._

 _All who are interested may apply._

 _Whosoever's design is chosen will receive a hug!_

 _Come one, come all! If you can sew!_

* * *

"Who're you?"

"Betsy. Betsy Torwin. Third year Hufflepuff."

"...your parents really wanted a girl, didn't they?"

"My mother did. My father was dead set on the name Ross, but my mother got her way."

"Yeah, I don't really care. Can you sew?"

"I can! Look, I brought a sample flag with me."

"Hm… Pretty good. I like it. You're hired."

"..."

"..."

"Why are you still here?"

"What about... what about my hug?"

"Luna's in charge of Personnel and Remuneration. Go find her."

"Oh. Okay. Bye."

* * *

Luna wondered vaguely who was in charge. With no adults in the place, people seemed to be going to Hermione for anything technical, to Harry for anything serious, to Ron for anything personal, to St. Mungo's for anything health-related, and to Luna herself for anything else.

It was a bit confusing. And anarchic. Which probably wasn't very good, right? Anarchy leads to crime, Luna figured.

In a burst of inspiration, she knew what they needed. Government!

* * *

(Young Luna, who had never had to pay taxes, did not yet know the true evil of government. She figured as long as they avoided Ministry of Magic-type evil, they'd be fine. Silly, wasn't she?)

* * *

"No. Government is evil."

"A… legal system, then?"

"That probably _is_ a good idea. People are getting a little restless."

"Okay! Hermione can draft it!"

"What! Why do I always get stuck doing these things?"

"..."

"Oh, all right."

* * *

This time Hermione knew she could not plagiarize. She didn't want to copy the United States' Constitution, after all.

Dipping her quill in ink, she began.

* * *

"You want everyone to vote on each issue?!"

"Yeah. Is that a problem?"

"I just don't think it'll work out very well, is all."

"I hereby declare you overruled."

"Hey! At least put that to a vote!"

"Checkmate."

"..."

"Any other objections?"

"We sort of _do_ need a leader, you know. Who'll be in charge for diplomatic affairs?"

"Weren't you listening? Each year we'll elect a representative, but they won't have any power on

their own, they'll just say what the voters have decided."

"I guess that sounds fair."

"How do we decide which issues to vote on?"

"We'll set up some sort of automated suggestion box. Someone puts in their idea, it goes onto a blackboard or something, people who like it add check marks or something, and when it has, say, ten check marks we vote on it."

"We'll need some spells to prevent tampering. Can we do that, Hermione?"

"I think so. It'll just take a few days to set up."

"Alright, then. Does anyone want to say anything? Speak now or forever hold your peace!"

* * *

Nobody spoke. There was peace.

* * *

(Until Voldemort came, but they overcame him eventually. That, of course, is a story for another time. Perhaps Vovo's next birthday?)


End file.
